


From First to Last

by BGee93



Series: Oikawa Rare Pair Week [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Break Up, First Dates, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Firsts, Firsts/Lasts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Karasuno, Last Dates, Last Kiss, Last Love, Lasts, M/M, Mentioned not described, Not Beta Read, Post-Break Up, Rare Pair, Some angst, Sorry Not Sorry, Unhappy Ending, aoba johsai, kinda edited, rated m for mentioned themes, volleydorks in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BGee93/pseuds/BGee93
Summary: Oikawa Rare Pair WeekPrompt: birthdays orfirsts/lastThere will eventually be a second part to this! But my entry for the week is just the first part :)





	1. Firsts

They’ve had a lot of firsts together. Most of their firsts shared between them they’d never admit it to being a first aloud to anyone else. 

Their first date honestly wasn’t anything special or magical but it was memorable and that’s all that mattered to them, a simple trip to the movies. Yamaguchi had chosen the movie, at Oikawa’s insistence, so he’d asked Kageyama if he remembered things that Oikawa liked. Of course he’d immediately said Volleyball so Yamaguchi hadn’t gotten very far in that line of questioning. In the end he ended up, embarrassingly, looking Oikawa up and searching through his various social media profiles for information and discovered a very obvious obsession with Aliens.

Through that information he’d chosen a movie that was based in Space and Oikawa seemed happy with the decision at the time. Later he would admit to Yamaguchi that he’d already seen the movie the weekend before with Hanamaki and it had been ‘ _cringe-central_ ’ and ‘ _barely-watchable_ ’. But he assured Yamaguchi that it was more fun watching him watch the movie since Yamaguchi had seriously enjoyed it and it had shown Oikawa just how excited and animated Yamaguchi could be when he was relaxed and open.

The first time the held hands had actually been on accident. It was Halloween and Oikawa’s friends had dragged them into going to a haunted house. Neither believed it was haunted, not in the least, so they’d gone into the building with bored expressions and eye rolls. Halfway through the night they’d separated from the others to go exploring, finding nothing but broken glass, dust and cobwebs in every creaky, darkened room. 

They were in the process of heading back downstairs when the blood curdling scream ripped through the moans and groans of the settling house. Yamaguchi jolted and sucked in a deep breath one hand gripping Oikawa’s shirt in a tight fist while the other slammed into the hand that was reaching for him. Oikawa yipped and buried his head in Yamaguchi’s shoulder, one hand gripping the wrist that dug into his shirt and the other tightening its grip on Yamaguchi’s other hand.

The screamer was Kyoutani, who was seen tearing past the staircase and out towards the hallway that lead to the front door which was heard loud and clear when he slammed it open in his retreat. Once the shock wore off Oikawa lifted his head as his fingers slid and linked with Yamaguchi’s.

“What the hell just happened?” Iwaizumi peeked through the hallway entrance and looked at them then looked towards Yahaba and Matsukawa, who appeared from when Kyoutani had just run from.

“We discovered an animal Kyoutani doesn’t like,”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup, apparently he can love snakes, lizards, bugs-”

“Get to the point Yahaba,” Iwaizumi grinned even as he said it. They all knew where this was going but they all also needed to hear it.

“A spider crawled on his hand and he lost his shit,” they stood there laughing in pure hysterics for a long time. When their laughter died down everyone had tears in their eyes and their faces were flushed red from the lack of air. Oikawa and Yamaguchi didn’t release each other’s hands until they had to split up to go home.

The first time they hugged wasn’t a very happy memory but it was one they chose remember and cherish anyways. It happened a few days after Oikawa’s grandfather died and he’d chosen not to tell Yamaguchi about it. Their relationship was still new and they were trying to figure out exactly what it was, plus he always tried to deal with things like this on his own. Despite how most people saw him, at least those who don’t know him, he hated being a burden on others more than anything. He hated it even more than he hated losing.

So he’d been surprised when his mom had knocked on his bedroom door to inform him that Yamaguchi was there to see him. She turned around and left the room as Yamaguchi walked in, leaving him no time to tell her to turn him away with some half assed excuse and no time to wipe away the tears staining his face. Feeling utterly defeated Oikawa turned his face away, his bottom lip trembling uncontrollably when the soft sound of footsteps drew close. He couldn’t look at him, he just couldn’t, even if deep inside he really wanted to.

It turns out he didn’t need to look at Yamaguchi. As if understanding the needs that Oikawa didn’t fully register that he needed himself, Yamaguchi remained silent as he gently pushed against Oikawa’s chest to get him to lay down before laying next to him and gently wrapping his arms around Oikawa’s shoulders. After a firm, but still gentle, pull Oikawa was brought against the younger one fully, his head laying against Yamaguchi’s chest. The warmth and comfort mixed with the sound of a heartbeat thumping in his ears in a rhythmic lull broke the dam he’d been holding back since his boyfriend walked in and Oikawa just… Just let go.

They laid there for so long that Yamaguchi was given permission to stay overnight if it was okay with his parents. They just just stayed together like that while Oikawa released all the mixed, negative emotions he’d had since hearing the news of his grandfathers death to the funeral to now. Even when the sobs died down and the tears dried up to uncomfortable, slightly crusty lines alone his cheeks and neck, they just stayed there and held each other.

Later when Yamaguchi was laying on the guest futon on the floor, at Oikawa’s mother’s insistence when he’d tried to argue with her about it, was when both boys realized that that had been their first hug and this was their first official sleepover. 

They kissed for the first time after Karasuno beat Aoba Johsai, effectively ruining Oikawa’s last chance to go to Nationals. The Olive-Brunet had looked across the gym at his boyfriends retreating figure with tears in his eyes that had begun as happy but ended up turning into large, droplets of sadness. Yamaguchi went home that night truly believing their relationship wouldn’t survive after this, he had been apart of the team that utterly destroyed the goal, the dream of someone he cared about deeply. 

Surprisingly he didn’t cry when he got home. He’d celebrated the win with his dad, his mom worked the night shift so they wouldn’t be able to celebrate with her till breakfast, and then claimed he was tired and needed to finish his homework before classes tomorrow. Hid dad was satisfied with the excuse, even if he saw through the fake smiles. An hour later he was still sitting at his desk, unfinished homework laying untouched in front of him, as he twirled a pen between his fingers. His eyes staring out his window in a deep haze. 

The notification buzz from his cell brought him out of it but he continued to twirl the pen until he read the text. With widened, surprised eyes he dropped the pen, which rolled onto the floor anyways, and slowly made his way downstairs and to the front door. His dad had gone to sleep not long after he’d retreated to his room so Yamaguchi unlocked and opened the door as quietly as he could, moving aside just enough to let Oikawa slip past him. 

The door was barely closed before Oikawa was cupping his face in his hands to make Yamaguchi look him in the eyes. They were red and puffy, a fact that made his heart ache as he tried to look away but Oikawa held him there, forcing him to look at him. Yamaguchi worried his bottom lip between his teeth, Oikawa’s eyes flicked there for a second before coming back up to meet his gaze once again. Yamaguchi flinched slightly when a thumb tugged his lip from the abuse of his teeth, rubbing along the reddened flesh a few times. 

When Oikawa leaned in, just a fraction, Yamaguchi’s hands shot up in a flash to grip Oikawa’s wrists and a rush of air left his lungs. Neither one spoke, neither one looked away as slowly they tested each other. Oikawa leaning in inch by inch, pausing each time to see if it was alright as Yamaguchi flushed redder and redder the closer the other got to him. But he didn’t say no, and he didn’t move away, just lightly gripped Oikawa’s wrists as an attempt to keep him grounded.

Then their lips finally met. It wasn’t heated, it wasn’t sexual or overly passionate like you would see in a movie or read about in some romance novel. It was a light, very slow brush of their together, Once, Twice. And then it was over and Oikawa was pulling back just far enough their breaths still mingled and brushed over each others faces. Yamaguchi shuddered and Oikawa’s given name slipped past his parted lips in a whisper. Oikawa’s eyes crinkled in the corner and Yamaguchi realized he was smiling, and then he was whispering Yamaguchi’s given name as his lips dipped back in for another soft brush together. It was the first time they’d used each others names and it felt more natural than Tadashi could ever imagine it would.

When they celebrated their first anniversary Tooru was in College and couldn’t actually be there with Tadashi. Instead they set up a video chat date. Complete with both of them eating dinner and then a cupcake together, and opening the gifts they’d left with each other the last time they were together as candles flickered in the background. They had to keep the actual lights on to be able to see each other but that was a fact they brushed aside and used their imagination instead.

Tooru’s gift to Tadashi was a new sketchpad, a keychain with their Jersey numbers engraved on it and a Taco plushi. 

Tadashi gifted Tooru a pen that when you click it open it plays the X Files theme song, a small, soft blanket with _I Believe_ in the middle of it, surrounded by little stars and a matching Star plushi.

Despite how long they’d been together and despite the fact that they both knew, without a doubt, how they felt about each other it wasn’t until Tadashi was a Third year in high school and Tooru a Second year in College that they first uttered the words _I love you._ They’d shown each other how much they care, they both knew how much each other cared, the words just weren’t spoken out loud.

Tooru had come down from Tokyo to spend the weekend with Tadashi and they’d decided to take a walk around instead of remaining under the watchful eye of Tooru’s mom. They were just casually strolling around, nowhere in mind as a destination, talking about their previous week and Tadashi’s plans for after graduation. He’d been upfront since the previous year that he planned on staying close to home for College, not really wanting to head to the city to study unless he received a scholarship. It bothered Tooru that he would still be so far away from Tadashi but he’s come to understand and respect the decision. 

After awhile they ended up looping back around towards the Tooru household and before they realized they were standing in front of it again. Instead of heading back inside they found themselves facing each other. Tadashi moved first, leaning in for a kiss, but Tooru’s words bubbled up and fell out before he could stop them from blocking the intimate moment. He practically yelled the words in Tadashi’s face.

The younger one flinched back, blinking rapidly as his brain tried to catch up and absorb what had just been said. Tooru flushed deeply, feeling the heat of it spread across his face and down his neck and a large portion of his chest. It was not how he’d wanted to say the words.

After what seemed like an eternity of being trapped in an embarrassing bubble, Tadashi threw his head back and started laughing. The joy and happiness heard in the sound pulled a large grin across Tooru’s face and the blush slowly faded away as he joined in. When their laughter died down, Tooru leaning into Tadashi as his head buried into the soft, long, Olive-Brown locks, Tadashi whispered that he loves him too. 

Their laughter doubled when Tooru’s sister threw the front door open and yelled at them to shut up and get a room.

Their first apartment was small, too close to a busy street, and it had this weird smell in the kitchen that no amount of cleaning or incense could get rid of. The living room had to double as a work space so when one of them was at the desk there was an agreement that the T.V. had to be muted or off so they wouldn’t bug each other, which caused some bickering but they worked through it. The bedroom overlooked the apartment building next door and every night the woman, who was about mid 40s, across the window from them did naked yoga without a care that she had her blinds open. But it was home and it was theirs.

About a week after moving in together, and getting used to living with each other, they had sex for the first time. It was awkward and painful and messy and Tadashi accidentally headbutted Tooru more than once, but it was also filled with warmth and happiness and in the end it was everything either of them could have wanted. Afterwards they stood together in the shower, since there was no bathtub, and just held each other. Neither one concerned about actually cleaning up. Tooru rubbed deep circles into Tadashi’s back, trying to work out the soreness and kinks, as Tadashi laid his head against Tooru’s chest listening to his rapidly beating heartbeat.

It was perfect.

A year after graduating College Tadashi and Tooru celebrated by taking off for a week to a small Inn in a little town none of their friends or family had ever heard of. Which was exactly the point. They spent the whole week of their first vacation together lounging around in the room, soaking in the hot spring baths and, of course, having sex. They spoke at length about their futures together and their new hopes and dreams. 

The talks of the future lead them to the talk of someday having kids, which kind of freaked them out afterwards since they were both immediately in agreement that it was something they both have always wanted. In the end they agreed to shelf those thoughts and instead think of a pet, at least until they’ve experienced the world a bit more first. 

Not even a week after going home they adopted a dog from a rescue center near their apartment. They named the little Brown and White, Pomeranien Yoda.

Unlike most couples their age, Tooru and Tadashi hardly ever fought. Sure, they bickered and argued, but they never screamed or yelled at each other and they certainly never said things to intentionally hurt the other. And whenever they did argue or bicker it hardly ever lasted more than an hour or Two of one of them storming off to cool down. But one day everything seemed to spin out of control.

It began, stupidly, with Tadashi waking up late for work and forgetting to let Yoda out to pee before leaving for work. So Tooru had come home to an upset pet and a puddle on the living room floor. Somehow it escalated to both of them nit picking each other about things they’ve forgotten in the past then onto pulling apart each others flaws and bad habits. It should have ended before then, one of them would always turn and walk away before it got to that point. But today, their pride glued them to where they stood, Tooru in the living room and Tadashi still by the door with his shoes on after coming home from work. 

They screamed so loudly at each other Yoda whimpered and hid in the their bedroom, a neighbor banged on the wall in attempt to get them to quiet down. They noticed neither of those things as the fire and rage burned in their eyes. Then it ended in one hoarse scream, from Tooru.

“At least I never killed one of your dreams,” Tadashi let the words he’d been about to say die on his lips as his eyes widened and burned. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow it down, instead it rose further up.

Tooru, finally realizing what he had said, gasped and covered his mouth and nose with his hands. His eyes lost their fire, instead glazing over in unshed tears that had been lingering there for awhile now. 

They stared at each other in mutual shocked horror when their tears started to fall. Tadashi drew in a shaky breath, legs beginning to shake. Tooru shook his head and choked on a sob.  
Yoda padded into the now almost silent room with a whimper. The noise drew their eyes and the staring spell was broken.

Tooru picked up Yoda and locked himself in their bedroom.

Tadashi left and didn’t come back for the rest of the night.


	2. Lasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally done part 2. Yay!... Yay? XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read; I love all the feedback I received like omg thank you guys so much <3 And... I'm so sorry... please still love this XD

The last time they had sex was three nights after the fight when Tadashi finally came home. He’d crashed at a friends house but Tooru had been so hurt and his insecurities reared their ugly head, poisoned his thoughts and his heart enough that as soon as Tadashi finally walked through their apartment door again it stabbed into the love of his life with deadly accuracy.

Despite the words and the anger and the ever growing resentment they’d still fallen into each others arms. 

It had been angry, rough and Tooru knows he’d hurt Tadashi. Hadn’t even bothered to properly prep him before taking him. But he hadn’t cared, at all, in the moment he’d actually _wanted_ to hurt him. And knowing that fact deep down in his soul Tooru knows he’ll never forgive himself for it. Knows he’ll never be able to fully look himself in the eye in the reflection of the mirror, knows he’ll never be the same all because he’d wanted to project the years of hurt he’d been harboring and hiding away as if it hadn’t mattered to the point he wanted Yamaguchi to feel it just as horribly and deeply.

Neither one looked at each other for days. The only words spoken for months was hollow, emotionless words of ‘ _hello, goodbye, how was your day, who’s cooking tonight_ ’ and the most hurtful ones of all ‘ _I love you._ ’ Tooru didn’t know there would ever be a day when he would literally choke on the feel, choke on the sheer heaviness of those words.

But it’d happened.

He barely remembers the last time they’d held hands out of pure habit rather than public image. But Tadashi believes it was during the week leading up to their fight. They’d decided to go for a midnight walk, just for the pure hell of it. They’d ended up walking through the street that was filled with smaller shops and family owned restaurants.

The air was filled with sweet and savory scents that was slightly dulled by a cafe that was open till 1am. Tadashi had practically lived there during exams and all nighters working on projects and essays. Tooru enjoyed their sakura tea when it was in season and Tadashi loves their mint-mocha hot chocolate at christmas time. But now it all seemed like a pipe dream constantly just out of reach.

The last time they’d kissed, truly kissed, had been the morning before the day of the fight. Tadashi had been home on time for once and Tooru had made them ramen and offered a movie night in. It had been wonderful, warm and so sensual that neither one would ever think of trying to forget it.

Whatever movie Tooru had put on for them was quickly forgotten, probably one of his favorite Alien movies, which Tadashi fully admits to loving just as much, as they laid on their sides on the couch. Tadashi had ended up facing Tooru who’s back was pressed against the plush back of their couch, each had a lazy arm around the others side, Tooru’s fingers lightly drawing shapes into his back as their lips slowly slid together in soft pecks and nuzzles. It was gentle, soft, oh so warm. It was loving.

And they’d miss moments like that more than they’d ever realize.

Their final hug, that actually held any true love behind it, had been during their last date. A thing they don’t do unless it’s with friends so they don’t actually have to force conversation and affection towards one another. In reality they both know it’s no longer a happy, healthy relationship but there’s so much invested into it it’s as if they just… _Can’t_ let go. Even if it’s slowly eating away at them, chipping piece by tiny piece from their beings that they’ve all but become empty shells when alone.

Their more observant friends have begun to notice, have started to try and get information as to what is happening and if there is anything they can do to help. But what they don’t know is that they’re far too late. There is no saving whatever this is now.

That heartbreaking thought used to keep Tadashi awake long after he’d made sure Tooru was asleep, sneaking out of bed and locking himself in their bathroom so he could cry silently into a towel so any noise could be muffled. Tooru would wake when Tadashi got up and would wait until he knew Tadashi was already crying before he tiptoed past Yoda who would whine but not follow. He’d sit just outside the bathroom door until he heard the water running when Tadashi was wetting his burning eyes with cold water. That being his sign to sneak back into bed and pretend to sleep so Tadashi would never know.

Yoda passed away a few months later. He’d been a slightly older dog but it was still unexpected and it had been one of the final tugs on Tooru’s heart strings. He no longer cried, he no longer bothered fighting, he just gave up.

Their friends were all worried now, even the socially stunted ones noticing something was completely wrong now. Iwaizumi kept pushing for Tooru to tell him what was happening but Tooru remained silent for about 3 months after Yoda died before the dam broke.

He was sleep deprived beyond belief. Eyes a constant back and forth between blackened by the deep bags and swollen red from them being dry after a sleepless night of just staring into the darkness of the room in the direction of the ceiling. Tadashi no longer slept in the apartment. He’d packed a bag that he came back to refill from time to time and Tooru hasn’t felt so alone in years. One night he even had the fleeting idea of what Kageyama must have felt when he’d been abandoned by his own team back in middle school, although the kid deserved it for his actions.

Then again Tooru also felt he deserved this.

Iwaizumi had let himself in one morning and Tooru didn’t bother getting out of bed. Just continued to stare up at the ceiling as soft glows of sunlight began filtering through the window. Without any words Iwaizumi had crawled in beside him under the blanket and just stared right along with him. Their arms touched softly and at some point Iwaizumi curled his pinky around Tooru’s, a quirk they’d started as kids when one wanted the other to just _know_ that the other was there. A soft gesture of support.

Tooru’s eyes burned before they blurred with sudden wetness. It had been so long since he’d cried that the surge of emotion and the sheer amount of hydration built up behind his eyes actually shocked him. His voice cracked for the next couple days because of his deafening sobs, because of the choked words that tore from his throat as the whole story finally got told to someone other than their own brains. Iwaizumi laid there for hours as he silently listened, his pinky remaining curled around Tooru’s in a lingering grip.

They paid off the rest of their tenancy and left the apartment less than a month after Tooru’s breakdown. It had been the last time they’d ever raised their voices towards each other, neither one wanting to really leave the apartment for the other. Tooru dug his heels in and claimed he should get it when Tadashi had been off living with a new fuckboy when he’d been living in the apartment the whole time. Tadashi flinched at the insult, whispering that he couldn’t let anyone even touch him without him thinking of Tooru let alone gaining a _’fuckboy_ ’ but Tooru had still been yelling and hadn’t heard the uttered statement.

In the end they’d had to recruit friends to relay messages to each other and the decision was that they should just move on. The night they handed in the keys to the landlady and walked out of their first, and their last, apartment together had broken their hearts more than either would ever know. Tooru watched Tadashi walk away before turning and walking in the other direction. Tadashi was halfway down the block when he looked back, tears streaming down his face as he bit into his lip while he stared into the material of Tooru’s hoodie. It was actually his but Tooru had always worn it, so Tadashi hadn’t bothered pointing it out.

Since they shared the same group of friends, although some had taken sides, a fact that was unavoidable, they still ended up running into each other. But now they weren’t Tadashi and Tooru. They were once again Oikawa and Yamaguchi.

The date of their anniversary came and went with a flood of alcohol, tears and angry ranting to the friends who’d gathered in support. Oikawa wishes he could forget. Yamaguchi wishes he could forget.

But no matter how much they screamed and cried and drank they just couldn’t force the memories of their life together away.

Yamaguchi’s birthday rolled around and it was almost as hard as the anniversary had been. And yet he’d been able to actually smile, to laugh and to forget for just a few moments as he spent an afternoon with his high school teammates who lived nearby, that his world had fallen apart not too long ago. That night he sipped on some wine and looked through their shared cloud of images, reliving some of the memories they shared. He cried and he wished to hell and back that he had the chance to be in Oikawa’s arms for even just tonight. But somehow accepted it wouldn’t happen ever again.

Oikawa stared down at the birthday card he’d bought without really thinking. Iwaizumi stood over the stove cooking them some stirfry and bit back the words slowly building in his throat. He refused to comment, refused to bring up anything that had to do with Yamaguchi Tadashi to his best friend who was clearly not moving on yet.

The card laid unsent, slid in the pages of a book he and Yamaguchi enjoyed reading together back when they first got together, for several months until Oikawa worked up the nerve to rip it in half and throw it away.

A few years later and they still see each other once in awhile. They can smile and chat like distant friends, all teeth and gums, and Oikawa’s heart stopping dimples, as they act friendly and civil. But underneath, as their friends can clearly see even as they can’t, both are still carrying broken hearts.

They were a lot of firsts to each other but they were also a lot of lasts. The most important one being a first and last love.


End file.
